New Camaldoli Hermitage, Big Sur, California.
About a year ago, just before the Pandemic struck I took the road to retreat to this incredible place, brought to my attention by Pico Iyer the British travel writer.
The occasion was a multi day retreat held by the Hermitage : drawing contributions ranging from the Christian and Budhist traditions and more recently Psychology and Neuro Science, we were led to meditate and experience what it means to have a Self. What happens when we work on it or neglect it.
With the gift of peace at the Hermitage in the breathtaking surroundings of the Big Sur coast line, our minds and souls roam free, deep in thought and debate about what makes for a well lived life. And the monks’ delicious and energising Holy Granola sustains us!
Attaining wisdom, lasting peace, contributing to our society’s growth, our own growth, coming to know ourselves, not in cognitive knowledge but in an experiential way – all these and more seem worthy ingredients of a well lived life.
As we are sustained by Hope of attaining those and other stages of Life, we are compelled to Persevere (emphasis on Fidelity) rather than Endure (emphasis on Stamina, wilfulness, control, stubbornness, ego investment). We remind ourselves of our children’s stories : “can’t go around it, can’t go under it, can’t go over it, got to get through it!” (From “We’re going on a bear hunt”, Michael Rosen).
The “going through it” is sometimes called “self authoring” : in that sense we are “editing” our book of Life, a book written by a collective of authors (our influences) – the self transformation is brought about by others
This is how Hope is in a sense a “together” experience – we nourish each other and in fact we’re made up of each others’ experiences and wisdom : come think of it, we get to live in each others’ lives, a little bit of their and our legacy lives on.
Then What ?
We have to deal with imperfection, our human nature: be good enough, “fit for purpose”…this allows us to have sympathy for ourselves and our failings, learn and grow.
Be nice and Be real are not the same thing
They don’t necessarily contradict : the nicest thing to do or be is actually being real, authentic. In a kind sort of way, with love in our hearts. Its is being thoughtlessly nice, fake, which is actually self absorbed and contradictory.
What we mean by Real then points to aspirational qualities of a Life Well Lived : Authentic, Genuine, Fully alive, Creative broadly, Spontaneous, Playful (not just games), Enjoying time alone – daydreaming, Owning and cherishing one’s Uniqueness.
The invention of self
The self is actually a recent creation: as recent as the 20th century, come think of it there is little or no mention of the self in say, Greek Mythology or accounts of Medieval chivalry.
Self denotes an intimacy – most of us would point inwards towards our heart or our head for where our self is located
We “own” our self like we own our eyes or our hands…
Neuroscience has a problem with this, having pin pointed numerous existential functions to precise areas of the brain – the sense of self which we’re all familiar with is still Terra Incognita…ironic!
In fact, Neuroscientific studies repeatedly scanning brains of Tibetan Yogi have yielded interesting results: an almost dormant Default Mode Network (the one that takes over when we are looking inside, oblivious to the outside and responsible for self referencing).
Lowering the activity of the Default Mode Network enables those Yogis to shift their mental position to one of openness to new people. Understanding and ultimate kindness we observe time and again, but we now understand its inner workings.
Psychoanalysis also brings perspective on this with the distinct various experiences of the wondering mind : rumination (as in running around in circles) a mind that is restless, unfulfilled, an unhappy mind; the cause of chronic anxiety, and eventually, part of a clinical depression diagnosis.
Contrast this with day dreaming – the elated experience of soaring to the clouds, letting one’s own creativity roam free, unchecked, perhaps random but eventually connected to our own intimate self.
Today the self is a place of free will, agency, self containment and points to our struggle towards something…the awakening of self as a young person illustrated beautifully by Elizabeth Bishop (American poet, 20th century) : “In the waiting room” shows a shift in consciousness, a memory “screen grab” of herself aged 7, finding agency for herself.
The Tibetan Buddhist tradition of Dzogchen (“Great Perfection”) is the highest form of discovering our primordial state of being : we are already liberated – we just need to realise it.
What about Selflessness?
Widely regarded as a quality of the wise, it certainly is less fashionable today than say, in the time of my Grand Mother when it was a basic character building block.
Is Selflessness, the absence of self? Certainly not, rather the quintessence of self: losing all the unnecessary bloating and protection of self…Christians would say : the charity of erasure: think Mother Teresa. Further, deeper it is the charity of being real, foregoing the temptation of acting out our life and instead showing up in the raw as a real gift to all.
Towards Wisdom
Buddhist teaching holds that attaining a contemplative state is the highest form of a wise life, one attaining real humility that is knowing that the existence of the universe does not depend on us being there!
In Christian tradition, the ability to handle loss (which cannot be book learnt but comes from attentive experience) is a key step to wisdom.
Being Alive (fully) versus being awake (only) enables us to access our unshackled creativity: the one that is the doing that arises out of being. Engaging fully is the FRUIT of being. Meditation (especially under direction), builds the muscle that helps us control and dim down our Default Mode Network in order to build those key elements of Wisdom: Generosity, Patience and Self Discipline. As we see through the noise we get to the core.
It’s all about the Way, not the destination…
Thank you Dr Andrew Mitchell and Father Bede Healey for this expertly guided tour of the Self.
